The Most Annoying Pair Of Shoes Ever Cobbled

As I was trapsing around Highpoint Shopping Centre this morning, my ears were assaulted by a high pitched squeaking noise - the kind of noise made by one of those rubber duckie-type toys; the kind of noise that has been designed to squeak at the exact frequency to make you wish that you had a blackboard handy so that you could run your fingernails down it to cover up the noise of the squeak. Normally, however, the rubber-duckie toy squeak dosen't last long - a couple of hearty throttlings from a young child who either becomes bored very quickly, or manages to completely mangle the sqeaking mechanism - so that relief and sanity are usually restored fairly quickly.

However (and here I end my pre-amble), today the noise didn't stop. It kept sqeaking and squeaking and sqeaking, getting closer and closer. And closer. I turned to see a child delightedly jumping up and down, running around - a sickening SQUEAK merging and ecoing around the food court with every step. I had seen them - THE MOST ANNOYING PAIR OF SHOES EVER COBBLED (or however they make shoes these days). WHY would parents do that to their own sanity? Why? WHY?

I ran as fast as my non-squeaky converse would carry me back to the relative safety of my place of work, where I spent the rest of the day planning and scheming, pondering where might be able to get my hands on a cauldron big enough to boil every pair of squeaky shoes ever produced. Only then will I be able to sleep soundly, without the hideous SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK haunting my dreams.

Goodnight.

ps. click this post's title to witness the horror...the horror...