As I was trapsing around Highpoint Shopping Centre this morning, my ears were assaulted by a high pitched squeaking noise - the kind of noise made by one of those rubber duckie-type toys; the kind of noise that has been designed to squeak at the exact frequency to make you wish that you had a blackboard handy so that you could run your fingernails down it to cover up the noise of the squeak. Normally, however, the rubber-duckie toy squeak dosen't last long - a couple of hearty throttlings from a young child who either becomes bored very quickly, or manages to completely mangle the sqeaking mechanism - so that relief and sanity are usually restored fairly quickly.
However (and here I end my pre-amble), today the noise didn't stop. It kept sqeaking and squeaking and sqeaking, getting closer and closer. And closer. I turned to see a child delightedly jumping up and down, running around - a sickening SQUEAK merging and ecoing around the food court with every step. I had seen them - THE MOST ANNOYING PAIR OF SHOES EVER COBBLED (or however they make shoes these days). WHY would parents do that to their own sanity? Why? WHY?
I ran as fast as my non-squeaky converse would carry me back to the relative safety of my place of work, where I spent the rest of the day planning and scheming, pondering where might be able to get my hands on a cauldron big enough to boil every pair of squeaky shoes ever produced. Only then will I be able to sleep soundly, without the hideous SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK haunting my dreams.
Goodnight.
ps. click this post's title to witness the horror...the horror...
Monday 17 July 2006
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6 comments:
"Squeaky shoes are great fun for the kids, and a great way for parents to track their child. The squeaky sounds can also be a great motivator for beginning walkers."
also a great motivator for me to try out my new rotary hoe in close proximity to the child's feet.
Yes, I too know the horror of squeaky shoes....squeak! squeak! scream! squeak! The existence and retail success of such a product is undeniable proof of my theory that having children significantly raises the statistical chances of said parent becoming deathly stupid.
one evening a few months ago julia and i were sitting on some tiny tiny stools on the side of a road in Hanoi with a group of fellow travellers enjoying a 'bia hoi' (draught home-brew beer served by often toothless old ladies from roadside kegs) when we too witnessed the utter hideousness of a small shild walking (well, squeaking) past in those shoes!
and i ask you
WHO ARE THEY FUN FOR?
yes that is right
NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE CHILD MUST HATE BEING PLAGUED BY SUCH A NOISE, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO GO ANYWHERE WITHOUT BEING HEARD
AND I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT 'BEING ABLE TO TRACK THE CHILD', THE REALITY IS THAT ANYONE SPENDING ANY EXTENDED AMOUNT OF TIME ADULTS NEAR SUCH SHOES WOULD BE DRIVEN CRAZY, AND BEGIN TO PURPOSEFULLY LOSE THE CHILD!
WHO ARE THEY FUN FOR????
HIDEOUS I SAY!!!!!!!!!
hideous.
hehe...ez i thought you were gonna talk about the small japanese boy in vientiane airport with the squeaky shoes who was running on all the waiting room seats... i forgot all about the bia hoi squeaky shoes!
madness!
is it really perverse of me that i sort of want a pair of squeaky shoes now...?
but not as much as i want those cool shoes with wheels built into the sole. wowowowwwww!
or how about those flashy light ones?
squeaky shoes, platforms with live gold fish in the heel...
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